July 4 Power Rankings
Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:38 am
Contributors: Rockies
In light of 4th of July weekend, we have great (or not so great) moments in American History.
Rankings
1. Reds - The Cold War.
After getting credit for moonwalking & rap music, America begins to slowly distance themselves from other world powers.
2. BlueJays - Civil war.
Almost as much talent as their Yankee counterparts, but a little older, and not enough minorities.
3. Yankees - Nuclear warefare.
Other countries may not like our policies, but we can melt their face off with atomic energy.
4. Orioles - Man walks on the moon.
While it may be an optical illusion or historic hoax, you still can't deny it's place in history, or the standings.
5. Athletics - Joey Chestnut
After top 5 showings the past few years, he finally gets over the hump to consume a record 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes, surpassing the great Kobayashi.
6. Twins - Elvis Presley
The beatles may have sold more records, but how many John Lennon impersonators do you see around the world?
7. Cardinals - Slavery is abolished.
Whitey has to learn to pick their own harvest, but the call-response tunes just aren't as good. Goodbye early blues, hello new age.
8. Padres - NFL
It has everything it needs to be America's newest great past-time, but can it sustain long enough to get there? Or is it there already?
9. Royals - Refrigerator
Created in 1805, it doesn't appear to be going anywhere.
10. Phillies - Liberty bell.
Legend has is that the bell was cracked while hanging it to test it out, and not something cool like a lightning strike or mortar blast.
11. Braves - Rosa Parks
After appearing down and out early on, she refused to go away, and had a huge impact.
12. Marlins - Hamburger.
American delicacy or just a flattened meatball? We'll go with great American food for now, but a few more losses, and it's just an Italian rip off on bread.
13. Dodgers - Anheiser Busch.
Let's make an American beer, give it a German name, and then overcharge european contries to drink something inferior to their own domestics.
14. Mariners - Statue of Liberty.
Only France would have chosen that color green...that is until the M's came along.
15. Nationals - The Korean War
Significant in it's own way, everyone forgets about it until they see random old men matching in the parades.
16. Giants - Floyd Landis.
Got to smell first for a while, but it looks like it's not mean to be.
17. DBacks - Rocky IV.
It's not the first time the underdog won, but it doesn't take away from that feel good sensation.
18. Rockies - Indoor plumbing.
Underrated, but could you imagine life without it?
19. RedSox - Purchase of Manhattan from Injuns for a sack of beans.
Event that single handedly ensured that Boston will forever be a 2nd rate city compared to NY. Imagine if those damn brits drank coffee instead of tea.
20. Cubs - Napster
A few years ago everyone was living a carefree life, and stoners everywhere were making 6 figures for being lazy computer nerds. Who would have guessed that drunk.com would have eventually folded?
21. Indians - The gold rush.
Let's stock our country with optimistic fools, who are way past their prime.
The White trash subculture is born, as is America's great hope of getting rich quick.
22. Tigers - Ford.
After recording record losses, people in detroit have to decide what it'll take to turn it around.
23. WhiteSox - Mark Twain.
Father of American Literature, but if you ever read his material, you wonder what all the hype is about.
24. Pirates - Cuban missle crisis.
Went for it all...had others scared for 3 weeks...now the economy is crashed, and there's politcal strife.
25. Mets - Panama canal
One of the biggest projects ever, no one knew how long it would take to complete.
26. Rangers - Weird Al.
Oh wait, he's Canadian. Thank God.
27. Astros - Puerto Rico
Self-governing unincorporated territory of the United States. In other words, do we own it or not? Do we even want to own it?
28. Brewers - Prohibition.
What the hell was going on there? The black market is born, eventually leading way to 512 G-Unit underground mix-tapes.
29. Rays - The new deal.
After years of suicide and hopelessnes, there's a plan in place which should have the economy rebounding by 2010, or sooner.
30. Angels - Electing George Bush II.
GM's from other countries who do not know our history must think that America is a joke if this is the only president that they've experienced.
In light of 4th of July weekend, we have great (or not so great) moments in American History.
Rankings
1. Reds - The Cold War.
After getting credit for moonwalking & rap music, America begins to slowly distance themselves from other world powers.
2. BlueJays - Civil war.
Almost as much talent as their Yankee counterparts, but a little older, and not enough minorities.
3. Yankees - Nuclear warefare.
Other countries may not like our policies, but we can melt their face off with atomic energy.
4. Orioles - Man walks on the moon.
While it may be an optical illusion or historic hoax, you still can't deny it's place in history, or the standings.
5. Athletics - Joey Chestnut
After top 5 showings the past few years, he finally gets over the hump to consume a record 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes, surpassing the great Kobayashi.
6. Twins - Elvis Presley
The beatles may have sold more records, but how many John Lennon impersonators do you see around the world?
7. Cardinals - Slavery is abolished.
Whitey has to learn to pick their own harvest, but the call-response tunes just aren't as good. Goodbye early blues, hello new age.
8. Padres - NFL
It has everything it needs to be America's newest great past-time, but can it sustain long enough to get there? Or is it there already?
9. Royals - Refrigerator
Created in 1805, it doesn't appear to be going anywhere.
10. Phillies - Liberty bell.
Legend has is that the bell was cracked while hanging it to test it out, and not something cool like a lightning strike or mortar blast.
11. Braves - Rosa Parks
After appearing down and out early on, she refused to go away, and had a huge impact.
12. Marlins - Hamburger.
American delicacy or just a flattened meatball? We'll go with great American food for now, but a few more losses, and it's just an Italian rip off on bread.
13. Dodgers - Anheiser Busch.
Let's make an American beer, give it a German name, and then overcharge european contries to drink something inferior to their own domestics.
14. Mariners - Statue of Liberty.
Only France would have chosen that color green...that is until the M's came along.
15. Nationals - The Korean War
Significant in it's own way, everyone forgets about it until they see random old men matching in the parades.
16. Giants - Floyd Landis.
Got to smell first for a while, but it looks like it's not mean to be.
17. DBacks - Rocky IV.
It's not the first time the underdog won, but it doesn't take away from that feel good sensation.
18. Rockies - Indoor plumbing.
Underrated, but could you imagine life without it?
19. RedSox - Purchase of Manhattan from Injuns for a sack of beans.
Event that single handedly ensured that Boston will forever be a 2nd rate city compared to NY. Imagine if those damn brits drank coffee instead of tea.
20. Cubs - Napster
A few years ago everyone was living a carefree life, and stoners everywhere were making 6 figures for being lazy computer nerds. Who would have guessed that drunk.com would have eventually folded?
21. Indians - The gold rush.
Let's stock our country with optimistic fools, who are way past their prime.
The White trash subculture is born, as is America's great hope of getting rich quick.
22. Tigers - Ford.
After recording record losses, people in detroit have to decide what it'll take to turn it around.
23. WhiteSox - Mark Twain.
Father of American Literature, but if you ever read his material, you wonder what all the hype is about.
24. Pirates - Cuban missle crisis.
Went for it all...had others scared for 3 weeks...now the economy is crashed, and there's politcal strife.
25. Mets - Panama canal
One of the biggest projects ever, no one knew how long it would take to complete.
26. Rangers - Weird Al.
Oh wait, he's Canadian. Thank God.
27. Astros - Puerto Rico
Self-governing unincorporated territory of the United States. In other words, do we own it or not? Do we even want to own it?
28. Brewers - Prohibition.
What the hell was going on there? The black market is born, eventually leading way to 512 G-Unit underground mix-tapes.
29. Rays - The new deal.
After years of suicide and hopelessnes, there's a plan in place which should have the economy rebounding by 2010, or sooner.
30. Angels - Electing George Bush II.
GM's from other countries who do not know our history must think that America is a joke if this is the only president that they've experienced.