IBC

Posted: **Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:02 pm**

I was talking to JP earlier today about this, and as realistic as the IBC is, why nobody ever named fake coaching staffs. I mean, we used to report on trades like they were newspaper articles with quotes from ourselves. So, in hopes of starting a trend, I'm going to name the coaching staff our your defending IBC champion St. Louis Cardinals

Hitting coach--Will Clark
Pitching coach--Mike Matheny
Bench coach--former IBC Cardinal great Eduardo Perez
First Base coach--Jerome Walton
Third Base coach--Joe McEwing
Bullpen coach--John Rocker

Posted: **Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:19 pm**

Hitting Coach-Edgar Martinez
Pitching Coach-Tom Candiotti
Bench Coach-Wally Joyner
First Base Coach-Andy Van Slyke
Third Base Coach-Willie Randolph
Bullpen Coach-Rick Aguilera

Posted: **Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:31 pm**

Hitting Coach Tony Gwynn
Pitching Coach Ken Hill
Bench Coach Jay Buhner
First base Coach Ray Lankford
Third base Coach Dante Bichette
Bullpen Coach - John Wetteland

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:51 am**

Brewers wrote:Hitting Coach-Edgar Martinez
First Base Coach-Andy Van Slyke

You took two of my coaches!

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:39 am**

Coaches
Manager - Clint Hurdle
Bench Coach - Sam Perlozzo
First Base Coach - Joey Cora
Third Base Coach - Ron Washington
Pitching Coach - Mel Stottlemyre
Bullpen Coach - Matt Sinatro
Hitting Coach - Jim Presley
Catching Instructor - Sandy Alomar Jr.

Baseball Operations
President - Jim Beattie
Vice President/ General Manager - Kevin Towers
Senior Baseball Advisor - Bob Stinson
Senior Baseball Advisor - Mario Mendoza
Traveling Secretary - George Costanza
Consulting Orthopedist - Dr. Lewis Yocum
Team Physician - Mitch Storey
Trainer - Rick Griffin
Conditioning Coach - Allen Wirtala
Clubhouse Manager - Henry Genzale
Head Groundskeeper - Bob Christofferson
Assistant Groundskeeper - Michael K. Brown

Scouting & Player Development
VP, Player Personnel - Jagger Traylor
VP, Scouting - Bob Fontaine
VP, International Operations - Bob Engle
Director, Player Development - Greg Hunter
Coordinator, Pitching - Nardi Contreras
Senior Advisor/Baseball Operations - Bill James

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:18 am**

We're on a very tight budget in KC...

Hitting Coach - Don Mattingly - just had to, suck on it JB
Pitching Player/Coach - Greg Maddux - I mean, why pay twice?
Bench Coach - Wade Boggs - dude can f'ing drink, isn't that what bench coaches are for?
First base Coach - Bill Buckner - just cuz it would be awesome to see him there every game
Third base Coach - Rusty Kuntz - everyone should see Kuntz when they get to third and head for home
Bullpen Coach - Paul Assenmacher - great name, great mustache

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:49 am**

Z, not very nice. We will be sure to hire Donnie Baseball back where he belongs at the end of this season. He can't resist the pinstripes!

Coaches
Manager - Joe Torre
Bench Coach - Bernie Williams
First Base Coach - Tony Pena
Third Base Coach - Larry Bowa
Pitching Coach - David Cone
Bullpen Coach - Dave Eiland
Hitting Coach - Kevin Long
Catching Instructor - Joe Girardi

Baseball Operations
President - Jason Bornas
Vice President/ General Manager - Brian Cashman
Senior Baseball Advisor - David Oppenheim
Scouting Director - Logan White

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:17 am**

Here's the initial rundown.......going to have to work on the training staff and front office later....

Manager - "Sweet" Lou Piniella
Bench Coach - Mike Scioscia
First Base Coach - John Kruk
Third Base Coach - Jay Buhner (gotta have him around for the clubhouse antics)
Pitching Coach - Jamie Moyer
Bullpen Coach - Norm Charlton (my pitchers will own the inside of the plate
Hitting Coaches - Rudy Jaramillo / Edgar Martinez (yes, we can afford two in Seattle and two of the best)

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:19 am**

Jay Buhner works in Pittsburgh and Edgar works for the Brewers

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:27 am**

Coaches
Manager - Harold Reynolds
Bench Coach - John Madden
First Base Coach - Wally Backman
Third Base Coach - Lenny Dykstra
Pitching Coach - Al Leiter
Bullpen Coach - Rick Aguilera
Hitting Coach - John Olerud
Catching Instructor - Gary Carter

Baseball Operations
President - Jim Beam
Vice President/ General Manager - That chick from Major league that tried to get the team to lose so they could move them to Miami
Consulting Orthopedist - House
Team Physician - Dr Quinn, Medicine woman
Trainer - Body by Jake
Conditioning Coach - A.C. Slater
Clubhouse Manager - David Hasslehoff
Head Groundskeeper - Bob Villa
Assistant Groundskeeper - John Deer Jr.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:06 pm**

Hitting coach--Cal Ripken
Pitching coach--Jim Palmer
Bench coach--Davy Johnson
First Base coach--Eddie Murray
Third Base coach--Al Newman
Bullpen coach--Gregg Olson

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:09 pm**

I believe Rick Aguilera is on my payroll

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:41 pm**

Brewers wrote:I believe Rick Aguilera is on my payroll

I thought he'd be obscure enough...guess not..

I'll take Jesse Orosco as my new pen coach.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:05 pm**

Coaches
Manager - Harold Reynolds

Great choice so long as he doesn't try to inappropriately touch the ballgirls.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:27 pm**

Royals wrote:
Coaches
Manager - Harold Reynolds
Great choice so long as he doesn't try to inappropriately touch the ballgirls.

That's the main reason I got him.

Seeing him on SNY Post-game now makes me remember that he is one of the absolute best TV-baseball analyst in the game.

Baseball Tonight is not the same without him.

And it's only inappropriate if the girl has self-esteem.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:15 pm**

Mariners wrote:Here's the initial rundown.......going to have to work on the training staff and front office later....

Manager - "Sweet" Lou Piniella
Bench Coach - Mike Scioscia
First Base Coach - John Kruk
Third Base Coach - Jay Buhner (gotta have him around for the clubhouse antics)
Pitching Coach - Jamie Moyer
Bullpen Coach - Norm Charlton (my pitchers will own the inside of the plate
Hitting Coaches - Rudy Jaramillo / Edgar Martinez (yes, we can afford two in Seattle and two of the best

I didn't see the rules listed where guys couldn't get paychecks from more than one org at a time. Obviously Edgar and Buhner would prefer to work for the M's than any other organization and given my newly formed ownership group I can afford to pay them more than any other organization.

If you are going to make up rules as we go along, I'll go ahead and play by them.

IBC SEATTLE MARINERS ORGANIZATION

Ownership Group - Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Steve Ballmer and Hiroshi Yamauchi (Had to keep Yamauchi around for continuity sake)

President - Maximus Decimus Meridius
Vice President/ General Manager - Brennan Church
Director of Business Operations - Victor Conte
Medical Director - Lewis Yocum
Head Physician - Hippocrates of Kos
Physician's Assistant - Doogie Howser
Team Chemist - Patrick Arnold
Head Trainer - Louis Feustel
Strength Coach - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Conditioning Coach - Lance Armstrong
Clubhouse Manager - Eric "Otter" Stratton
Clubhouse Entertainment Assistant - John "Bluto" Blutarsky
Head Groundskeeper - Carl Spackler
Head of Stadium Maintenance - Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
Stadium Maintenance Assistant - Al Borland

Coaching Staff
Manager - "Sweet" Lou Piniella
Bench Coach - Mike Scioscia
First Base Coach - The Rickey Henderson
Third Base Coach - John Kruk (Kruker got moved to 3b in favor of "Rickey don't evah get caught stealin")
Pitching Coach - Jamie Moyer
Bullpen Coach - Norm Charlton (my pitchers will own the inside of the plate
Hitting Coaches - Rudy Jaramillo

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:23 pm**

What the heck, I'll play.. Tryin to go with as much a Reds theme as possible except where it isn't warranted, like pitching coach..

Hitting coach-- Eric Davis
Pitching coach-- Leo Mazzone
Bench coach-- Johnny Bench
First Base coach-- Billy Hatcher
Third Base coach-- Frank Robinson
Bullpen coach-- Jose Rijo

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:25 pm**

Shoot, if we're going for reaches, like Doogie Howser as team medical doctor.. I might change my hitting coach to the "pickeled jar head" of Ted Williams ala Futurama. Eat that.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:30 pm**

Reds wrote:Shoot, if we're going for reaches, like Doogie Howser as team medical doctor.. I might change my hitting coach to the "pickeled jar head" of Ted Williams ala Futurama. Eat that.

as always...NICE!

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:50 pm**

Oh, I guess I didn't list Manager.

If its anyone other than me, its gotta be Sparky! Eric Davis is now a Scout.

Manager-- Nate Hunter/Sparky Anderson
Bench coach-- Johnny Bench
Hitting coach-- Floating Pickled Jar Head of Ted Williams
Pitching coach-- Leo Mazzone
Bullpen coach-- Jose Rijo
First Base coach-- Billy Hatcher
Third Base coach-- Frank Robinson

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:26 pm**

Mariners wrote: Head Physician - Hippocrates of Kos

Trust me, you don't want Hippocrates of Kos. I've worked way too much on that fellow and I've come to realize that his treatments are whack and you'll definitely not want him treating your injuries.

As for my squad...

Owner: Homer (with all the books he's sold over the past 2700 years, he's loaded)
President/GM: Andrew Howard
Assistant General Manager: Nestor of Sandy Pylos (wise man, smart moves--plus he's garrulous so he's good for a quote)
Manager: Agamemnon, King of Kings (extremely good at delegation but tends to lose his "ate" in times of distress--many ejections will follow)
Bench Coach: Menelaus, Brother of Agamemnon (highly trusted by Agamemnon--the perfect attribute in a bench coach)
1B Coach: Ajax, Son of Oieus (highly respected Achaian, though he doesn't have a moment of glory in the Iliad...thus he's fit for this job)
3B Coach: Unbridled Diomedes (reckless and daring--not many hold signs here)
Batting Coach: Idomeneus of Crete (renowned as a spearsman)
Pitching Coach: Polymetis Odysseus (Crafty crafty man--the Greg Maddux of the Greeks)
Physician: Machaon, Son of Asklepios (as son of the healer god, he's perfectly suited)
Strength Coach: Ajax Telamonios (he's a big sonuvabitch)
Bullpen Coach: Achilles (he tends to stay far from the action)

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:56 pm**

Twins wrote:
Mariners wrote: Head Physician - Hippocrates of Kos
Trust me, you don't want Hippocrates of Kos. I've worked way too much on that fellow and I've come to realize that his treatments are whack and you'll definitely not want him treating your injuries.

I figure with my Director of Business Operations and my Team Chemist, they should be able to get me what I "need" to cover up any of Hippocrates mistakes from being a bit, shall we say, "dated" when it comes to modern medicinal practices.

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:42 pm**

Chicago Cubs Organizational Staff

General Manager/President of Baseball Operations - Gabe Hammad
Vice President/Inspirational Speech Giver/PR - Kevin Costner
Manager - Ryne Sandberg
Hitting Coach - Larry Walker
Pitching Coach - Larry Rothschild
1st Base Coach - Sammy Sosa
3rd Base Coach - Kenny Lofton
Bench Coach - Ozzie Smith
Catching Instructor - Charles Johnson

Posted: **Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:45 pm**

Forgot my bullpen coach, Rick Sutcliffe.

Posted: **Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:57 am**

The Indians history has made it important to keep fan interest as high as possible since on-the-field results have been unsuccessful. So.......

Manager: Mike "King" Kelly - the inspiration for my email address and a 50/50 bet to be passed out drunk by the 3rd or 4th inning. He actually does have managerial experience, which is a plus.

Bench Coach: Yogi Berra - a great choice to keep team spirits up and crack King Kelly jokes after he passes out in the dugout every game. And will make better game decisions when he takes over in the 4th inning.

1st-base Coach: John McGraw - Best place for a coach to be in case he wants to start a fist-fight with the opponent.

3rd-base Coach: Babe Ruth - Just because. Did I mention the Indians have always needed to improve fan interest?

Pitching Coach: Christy Matthewson - to smooth out McGraw's 'tude and to talk to the modern media. Oh, and as a bonus he could help out the staff.

Hitting Coach/Catching Instructor: Josh Gibson - No explanation needed.

Bullpen Coach: Bob Feller - Attitude and Indians background.

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