Spring Training 2014 Power Rankings

Twins · Post by **Twins** » Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:55 pm

...now with a Weird Al theme! Because these power rankings are as meaningless as Spring Training stats!

HT to JP for helping me rank the teams.

1. Texas – “White & Nerdy” – Weird Al’s most successful song to date goes to the most successful team in the IBC last season.

2. Arizona – “Amish Paradise” – While enjoying a great deal of success on his own, JT’s roster is getting a bit antiquated.

3. Pittsburgh – “Close But No Cigar” – JP’s team looks perfect on paper, but he’s only won it all once. Something is obviously missing.

4. Florida – “Skipper Dan” – The team is really good and the talent has been there for quite a while, but he doesn’t really have anything that substantial to show for it.

5. New York (A) – “The Saga Begins” – Not quite the feared force he used to be, but all the pieces are in place for JB to turn his squad back into the Evil Empire in the not-so-distant future

6. Boston - “Gump” - Like the movie, this roster’s a little on the boring side, but probably much better than you’d expect.

7. Kansas City - “Genius in France” - If I’m going to insult anyone with this list, I’m going to insult myself.

8. Detroit – “Cavity Search” – Because trading with Pat is like pulling teeth.

9. Philadelphia - “Party in the CIA” - This team is sneaky good and will cut you down before you know what hit you. Or something.

10. Oakland – “Hardware Store”- Jake always seems to put all the pieces together somehow to make it work.

11. Cincinnati - “This Song’s Just Six Words Long” – Ken is good year in and year out. Not much else to say about him.

12. Los Angeles (N) - “Yoda” - For the guru behind all the IBC’s infrastructure.

13. Toronto – “Canadian Idiot” – This one should be so obvious it doesn’t need an explanation

14. Tampa Bay - “Whatever You Like” - According to the transaction page, the big moves of the offseason so far for the Rays have been trading for Drew Hutchinson and drafting Ben Lively. So, you know, splurging.

15. Atlanta - “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota” - “But you can't see out of the side of the car because the windows are completely covered with the decals from all the places where we've already been, like Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum the Boll Weevil Monument and Cranberry World the Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock and the Mecca of Albino Squirrels.” One place place Brandon hasn’t been recently? The playoffs.

16. St. Louis – “Achy Breaky Song” – Weird Al doesn’t parody country music too often, but when he does, it’s almost just as bad as the original.

17. Chicago (A) - “Your Horoscope for Today” - My predictions about how good Jim’s team is going to be this year are about as good as a horoscope on any given day.

18. Milwaukee – “Like a Surgeon” – “...cutting for the very first time…” Welcome to the league, new guy.

19. Houston - “A Complicated Song” - Like the song, Nate’s team is much better than its real life counterpart.

20. Minnesota – “Truck Driving Song” – It’s a song about a cross-dressing trucker.

21. Colorado – “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi” – I think Jake’s the only Jewish member of the IBC. If not, it looks like I missed out on an opportunity to offend someone else.

22. Chicago (N) - “Syndicated, Inc.” - Mike Adams, Eric Chavez, Ryan Howard, John Lackey, Edinson Volquez..this team has a few players that were at one time very good. Whether or not they’re still worth watching remains to be seen.

23. San Francisco – “Good Old Days” – Banners wave forever, but it’s been a while. Nils’ season might leave him longing for the good old days.

24. New York (N) - “Ode to a Superhero” - Is David Wright the superhero who will finally lead the Metropolitans into the postseason for the first time for John? Probably not.

25. Seattle – “Smells Like Nirvana” – “We’re a rock band from Seattle, well it sure beats raisin’ cattle”. The baseball played by the Mariners this year will beat raising cattle, but just barely.

26. Baltimore - “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” - I have to admit, this was the last song I matched with a team, and I was running out of gas. “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” is one of my favorite Weird Al songs, and I just wanted to get it on the list. So, congratulations Steven for not being relevant!

27. Los Angeles (A) - “Grapefruit Diet” - Stephen inherited a mess of a roster, and immediately started trimming the fat off of it. Hopefully he’ll be rewarded with good health sometime soon.

28. San Diego – “You Make Me” – Bren’s controversial opinions and expert trolling are well documented.

29. Cleveland – “EBay” – “My house is filled with this crap”…a bunch of useless pieces are going to make up a majority of the active roster this year.

30. Washington – “Weasel Stomping Day” – Red-headed step-child…rented mule…any way you phrase it, Z is going to get stomped this year.

Pirates · Post by **Pirates** » Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:22 pm

Both us Jakes are Jews

Giants · Post by **Giants** » Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:45 pm

I was going to say, totally offended here! I'm thinking Gudim should have given himself "Everything You Know is Wrong" as well

Seriously though, these were fun, I'd actually never heard Hardware Store. I'd have hoped for a polka but I'll take it!

Twins · Post by **Twins** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:27 am

Athletics wrote:I was going to say, totally offended here! I'm thinking Gudim should have given himself "Everything You Know is Wrong" as well

Seriously though, these were fun, I'd actually never heard Hardware Store. I'd have hoped for a polka but I'll take it!

"Everything You Know Is Wrong" was my original choice for myself until I remembered Genius in France".

Nationals · Post by **Nationals** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:52 pm

I'm surprised you didn't go for the low-hanging fruit by giving my squad "The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota"

Fantastic

Brewers · Post by **Brewers** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:13 am

Saw the Alpocalypse tour last year for my birthday. Its a great show. He's still bringing it on stage. Definitely recommended if you are a Weird Al fan.

Great power rankings. No "Dare to be Stupid" though?

Athletics · Post by **Athletics** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:34 am

Brewers wrote:No "Dare to be Stupid" though?

That was my thought, I figured I would end up with that one because of my slow rebuild...or Brett Z would get it for going all out to land Rodon.

Twins · Post by **Twins** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 1:17 pm

Brewers wrote:No "Dare to be Stupid" though?

It was in the mix, but I couldn't figure out where to put it. It probably can just be the third track for the Royals after "Genius in France" and "Everything You Know Is Wrong".

And agreed on the live show. Saw him again last summer, and he's still very entertaining.

BlueJays · Post by **BlueJays** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 7:43 pm

Another +20 ranking in the books :-/

Athletics · Post by **Athletics** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:41 pm

Orioles wrote:Another +20 ranking in the books :-/

I think Jason (with the help of JP) messed that one up, more likely in the 10-20 range with the young studs you are fielding...I looked through your team when I was looking up something random about Rick Porcello and had that "oh shit, this is not a bottom 5 team". But too many years at the bottom will cause bad habits to form.

BlueJays · Post by **BlueJays** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:53 pm

I'd rather be underrated than overrated, but of course none of it matters until I get out of the cellar.