Dear Amy:
My wife and I have a 2-year-old son who is my world.
I am a big Yankees fan and can't wait to take my son to games. My in-laws are way too smothering and involved with my son. My father-in-law micromanages every single decision that has to do with him.
I feel as if I am being undermined as a father. I also feel as if I have to rush to do specific things with him or my in-laws will accomplish these "firsts" in my absence (I work nights).
My wife is not a confrontational person, so she does nothing to address these issues. I have no problem expressing my feelings to my father-in-law, but I don't want to cause bad feelings.
The final straw was when my son came home from their house chanting, "Let's Go, Mets!" Although this sounds funny, I took it as a direct insult. They know that it would really bother me.
-- Not Just a Sperm Donor
Dear Donor: Your situation has an "Everybody Loves Raymond" quality to it. This is just the sort of thing that "Debra" experiences on the show, and one of the things I appreciate about this particular television family is that sometimes "Debra" pushes back at her pushy in-laws, and other times she laughs at her own situation. That's also what you need to do.
You can raise this issue respectfully without creating a confrontation, and if your father-in-law chooses to think that he's being insulted and challenged, well then, too bad.
Say to him, "Pop, I need for you to give me more space with my son. There will always be a big place for you in his life, but I'm his dad and I need to make decisions for him." [My EDIT for the Donor: Yeah - like if he should be a Yankees fan or a fan of minor league baseball ... which would be any team that isn't the Yankees.] Your in-laws should not be doing things with your son without your say-so; you're going to have to be assertive about this -- to them and to your wife.
Do not rise to the bait with your in-laws on the "Let's Go, Mets" incident, and respond with good humor. You've got to admit, it is sort-of funny. [My EDIT for Amy: "At least they are not teaching him to say that the 'the Yankees suck and Jeter swallows' " - a saying made all too famous on thousands of tee shirts in Boston."]
http://www.newsday.com/news/columnists/ ... 511.column
