Suicide Watch

DBacks · Post by **DBacks** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:56 pm

So this is it guys, October baseball starts tommorow, and the Cubs have to win it.

I've got too much invested. I'm too hopeful. Things seem too good. I'm way too excited. I haven't felt like this about the Cubbies since 2003, and we all know how that went.

I can't take another heartbreak. We have to win it. We need to win it. I've got a whole family tree's worth of waiting on my shoulders and I need it lifted.

My grandfather, the man who put baseball in my life, didn't live to see the Cubs win a World Series. So I wait for them to do it for him. Just as he waited for his father. And my kids might have to wait for me. I don't wanna pass this on to my kids. It's great, but it's awful at the same time. There's no joy like being a Cubs fan, but there's no pain like it either. Red Sox fans, you know what I'm talking about. Perhaps you've forgotten, but it wasn't that long ago that you were in the same position. Well, it's our turn. I think. I hope.

Aaron is officially on suicide watch for me. If something Bartman-esque happens, you can ask Mr. Dorman how I decided to end it. He'll know, if for no other reason it'll be because I tried to frame him for my murder, just as one last joke between friends on my way out. Good luck getting out of that hate crime buddy.

Anyway, if I do go, I leave the following:

To Aaron: You get Meera. or Roxanna. or both, fuck it, you've always been a good friend.

To JP: John Danks and Garret Atkins. That should get you over the hump.

To Nick: Jayson Werth. He's a Phil, he belongs with you. That dude is a badass by the way.

To Nate: My bowl, my grinder, and my roller. Enjoy.

To Andrew and John and any other Power Rankings contributors: I leave you all calculators. You keep calling my team old. It isn't. And its much better than you're giving it credit for.

To Shawn: 200 dollars I have in my savings. Consider it the salary you so desperately deserve.

To Bren: My Sammy Sosa jersey. You know why. Don't burn it, it belonged to a dead man.

To Jake L: Whatever is left in my PokerStars account.

To JB: Nothing. You don't need it. You have everything.

To Z: My Obama t-shirts. Learn to love him, Z, learn to love him.

To everyone else: You can split my Marlins ticket package. Hahahaha yeah right, no one's going to accept those. And that's sad.

Come on Cubbies. It all starts tommorow. Come through for me, I'm begging ya.

Phillies · Post by **Phillies** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 1:27 pm

hey you can just trade him back to me now and get it over with... he may strike out with the best of them but the man is a true bad ass.

BlueJays · Post by **BlueJays** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 3:16 pm

It would be an honor to smoke with your bowl, shred with your grinder.. but i'm old school... i roll with my hands.

Phillies · Post by **Phillies** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:03 pm

well gabe, they didnt look too good today. while one half of my ace showdown can be blamed for much of the cubbies loss (7BB!), my other half shut down the cubs quite nicely. stay strong.

DBacks · Post by **DBacks** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:52 am

dvb[klv vmwdk]rm

WhiteSox · Post by **WhiteSox** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:13 am

Code orange.

BlueJays · Post by **BlueJays** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:35 pm

Where is that on the scale of alerts?

Royals · Post by **Royals** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:20 pm

You dead yet? I want my jersey!

Astros · Post by **Astros** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 10:27 pm

So since I get Roxy and Meera, you might wanna go ahead and make travel arragnements to get them to Indiana tonight, before you die tomorrow

DBacks · Post by **DBacks** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:25 am

Its just not fair. Its not fucking fair. Not one mother fucking god damn fucking thing to cheer about. Not one. What kind of fucking joke is this? We're never gonna win it. Ever. It's too much pressure. Too many people counting on them to do it. They can't. They forget how to play. They're the fucking bad news bears once October hits. 6 runs in three games. 6. 6 fucking runs.

Not only does every other team get their faith rewarded eventually, they get to enjoy a championship, they also get the joy of watching us suffer. People keep saying loyalty pays off. I'm not so sure. I just honestly dont know if it ever will. This was the best chance we've had in the last 100 years, and we can't manage a single win. Its just not fucking fair. Fuck anyone who says curses aren't real. Being born a Cubs fan is a curse. I'm living it. It's real. No doubt.

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Fuck.

BlueJays · Post by **BlueJays** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 3:49 am

I'm sorry to see you suffer gabe, but as a Reds fan, I'm happy to see the Cubs lose. Just the tiniest bit giddy in fact. I sincerely hope I am not left your grinder, bowl, and roller.. and that we'll compete again next year for another IBC title..

I agree though cursees are for real. But, as the RedSox can attest, curses can be broken..

And I think 2003 was your best chance.. you were THIS close.. then it just unraveled, which probably makes it hurt a bit worse. Keep the faith man. Even the curse of the Babe was broken.

Astros · Post by **Astros** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:02 am

So go ahead and kill yourself already so I can bang your girlfriend and your ex girlfriend

Phillies · Post by **Phillies** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:44 pm

go phillies.

Royals · Post by **Royals** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:07 pm

Cubs wrote:Its just not fair. Its not fucking fair. Not one mother fucking god damn fucking thing to cheer about. Not one. What kind of fucking joke is this? We're never gonna win it. Ever. It's too much pressure. Too many people counting on them to do it. They can't. They forget how to play. They're the fucking bad news bears once October hits. 6 runs in three games. 6. 6 fucking runs.

Not only does every other team get their faith rewarded eventually, they get to enjoy a championship, they also get the joy of watching us suffer. People keep saying loyalty pays off. I'm not so sure. I just honestly dont know if it ever will. This was the best chance we've had in the last 100 years, and we can't manage a single win. Its just not fucking fair. Fuck anyone who says curses aren't real. Being born a Cubs fan is a curse. I'm living it. It's real. No doubt.

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Fuck.

It's not fair, it does suck, but it WILL happen. ANYTHING is possible. Curses AREN'T real, any more than lucky seats, lucky hats or the Tooth Fairy are real. Honest to god though, if I could change the places our two teams are in right now for this post-season, I would because I know how much it means to you and to all the other Cubs fans I've known and I know how amazing it would be for you all to finally win it. I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear, but there is always next year and nothing that happens this year or last year or any other year really means anything to next year.

Cardinals · Post by **Cardinals** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:22 pm

Padres · Post by **Padres** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:56 pm

Originally posted: October 8, 2008

A Sox fan's revenge on a Cubs fan: And that, finally, was that
Cubs fans can be obnoxious. White Sox fans can be vengeful. Here is one of those stories.

There will be no names or locations given in the telling of this tale. That was the deal-breaker for the Sox prankster, not when you're dealing with such creatively spectacular spite.

To begin, we go back to last June when the Cubs hosted the Sox. Two suburban couples, one Cubs, one Sox, went to dinner. The Cubs husband predicted a sweep. The Sox husband said no way. The bet was dinner.

Turned out, the Cubs swept. The Cubs couple would collect a meal.

Ah, but the Cubs husband couldn't leave it at that. He skulked around the Sox couple's house and placed a broom in the doorway.

Ah, but the Cubs husband still couldn't leave it at that. Attached was a note that said something like, "This is just a reminder of who the real team in Chicago is."

The Sox wife found the souvenir and the note, and called the Sox husband. Fine, said the Sox husband. Say nothing, he advised.

Ah, but the Cubs husband still couldn't leave it at even just that. When he got no response from from the Sox household, he called the next day to ask if anyone found anything unusual in the doorway. Yes, he was told. Let's pay off dinner, he was told. And that was that.

Except in the Sox household, where the Sox husband told the Sox wife that plotting revenge would require patience: "When the Cubs lose in the first round of the playoffs -- and you know they will because they're the Cubs -- when it's the most painful, that's when we retaliate."

Fast-forward to last weekend. The Cubs are swept out of the first round by the Dodgers on Saturday night.

Sunday morning at the Cubs house. A battery-operated CD player with a timer went off at exactly 7:30. A bullhorn is attached to the CD player. The whole contraption is placed right outside the Cubs couple's bedroom. Blasting out of the bullhorn is a very loud and painfully slow version of "Go Cubs Go."

"Go."

"Cubs."

"Go."

Ah, but the Sox husband couldn't leave it at that. No, as the Cubs husband sought the source of the noise, he ventured out to his front yard. There he found 100 lawn signs with nothing but a drawing of a billy goat stuck in the ground. Yes, 100 signs. For some reason, that number rings a bell.

Ah, but the Sox husband couldn't leave at even just that. No, there on the lawn, supported by two poles sunk into buckets of cement was a massive, blue "L" flag.

Ah, but the Sox husband still couldn't leave it at even just that. No, on the garage were dozens of posters that mocked Cub Nation. A Cubs logo with with a red circle and line through it. The Wrigley Field marquee with a nasty saying. One poster explained, "I'd rather have a sister that lived in a whorehouse than a brother that's a Cubs fan."

Much admiration from the Cubs husband: "All I could say to my wife was, 'How can you beat this?' "

Ah, but the Sox husband still wasn't done, and this was the best because it was the most subtle.

The address on the Cubs couple's mailbox was changed. The new number?

1908.

http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribu ... reven.html

Pirates · Post by **Pirates** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:59 am

If the rays win the W.S. it might be the ultimate Fuck you to cubs fans.........