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Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2009 1:00 pm
Location: Johnston, RI
Name: David Taylor

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June 2010
27. Orioles- The Coon. The Coon is a crime fighting mystery kid from South Park - ok, not much of a mystery as it's clearly Cartman, but his identity is never truly known to everybody in South Park- and he's a play on Batman. The Orioles appear to still be a bit of a mystery to the IBC, as Steven hasn't been heard from too much this year as he has been moving and graduating college, but we kind of know what they're about - much like we kind of know the Coon is Cartman. Baltimore has one of the better collections of young talent in the league, with Phil Hughes, Matusz, Moustakas, Lars Anderson and others. It might be a few years before we find out who the Orioles really are, much like it might be a few season until we find out who the Coon really is.

July 2010
22.) Orioles
Blake Lively. Steve was a new addition to the league last year and entered the minidraft where Nate's roster was dismantled. He entered with Brandon, John and now departed Dave. Looks to me that the Orioles have come out the best here, with Phil Hughes at the top of the rotation and Matusz, Gio Gonzalez, Moustakas, Fowler, Shelby Miller and plenty of good, young talent on the way. It's the AL East, so it's always tough to win there, but the AL East just wasn't what it used to be lately. Though, Tullar's Red Sox should be rising for good soon, but still, we're not there yet. I digress. Blake Lively is 22 going on 23 and pretty freaking hot. She's only beeing in really dumb stuff (Gossip Girls and if any of you watch that, get out of the league now) but her career should be expanding soon. Steve's got a good young team, and his IBC success rate should grow as well.

August 2010
23. Orioles: Ricky Bobby. Steve's Orioles haven't won much this year and that's to be expected. We weren't going to see a miracle run in Baltimore ala Gudim of 2008, but Steve has a pretty set plan. There's lots of young talent here and a top of the rotation eventually featuring Hughes, Matusz, Shelby Miller and Gio Gonzalez? That's potentially pretty bad ass - not to mention all the other pitchers he has. While Steve hasn't experienced success like Ricky Bobby did, he's certainly taken to the mentality, "If you're not first, you're last" - Steve doesn't want to mortgage the future to be a 70-80 win team, he wants to maximize the value on his roster and it looks like he might be in first soon. Well. Maybe of the Wild Card since JB is kind of good, but you get the idea.

June 2011
30. Baltimore- Mozzarella Sticks.
The O's, thanks to a nice long losing streak, are now owners of the worst record of the IBC. So they have to be last. This is Steve's second full year, and no, the results aren't there yet, but on the farm, Steve is building quite a team. Shelby Miller is one of the best prospects in the game, period, and he and Phil Hughes (if healthy) could be one of the best 1-2 punches, and soon. Trevor May looks great as well, and of course, there's Moustakas, Lawrie, Ike Davis and Jordan Zimmerman. The foundation is there, another great draft class, and the O's could be well on their way. Kind of like Mozz sticks. They're not quite something you'd get for dinner, but it's a good appetizer. You feel kind of gross if you overdose on them, just like you can't OD on prospects, but fuck, fried mozz is so good. The O's, too, could be so good, but for now, they're awful.

September 2011
30. Baltimore Orioles: Kendall Jenner
Steve’s Orioles are awful. They could very well lose over 120 games, challenging Brandon for worst IBC team ever. But there’s still a future here. There’s a lot of great prospects on this team with Lawrie and Shelby Miller leading the charge on the farm. The O’s added Domonic Brown and a top 10 pick in exchange for the No. 1 overall pick, so more talent will be headed to Baltimore for 2011. Still, it’s way too early to judge what this team will be. Just like Kendall Jenner or Kardashian or whatever her name is. Pedo bear stamp of approval for under age!

March 2012
26. Orioles “Tonight, let the new era begin” 1994 Shane Douglas
Steve has now had two years of getting his ass kicked by the ALE. This year he’ll make it 3 in a row. The good news is, help is finally starting to arrive, with guys like Phil Hughes, Brett Lawrie and Mike Moustakas arriving and Shelby Miller and company in the minors. Progress is being made, but Steve has a couple years before he’ll be a game changer. In 1994, Eastern Championship Wrestling was going to have their top star, Shane Douglas, be given the prestigious NWA title. The powers that be decided they wanted nothing to do with it, and after winning the title, Douglas threw it down and declared himself the standard bearer for a new generation. Steve’s got a ways to go before he is the standard bearer, but hopefully he lives up to the nickname “The Franchise,” something Douglas never did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waBUA6Vf ... re=related

July 2012
No. 28, Baltimore Orioles: Amanda Seyfried
Here’s another girl I can’t tell you much about. But she’s actually pretty hot, and there’s a lot to like...even if she hasn’t really been in many movies. Or many good movies rather. Whatever. She’s been ranked as one of Hollywood’s hottest young stars, and if we ranked teams’ farm systems, Baltimore would be pretty close to the top -- or at least, under-25 rankings (remember Paul, guys?). Baltimore might not be good in 2013, but they’re very close to being a dangerous team.

September 2012
29. Orioles---Renegade
Steve's once again at the bottom of the AL East. This year though, he can see the team above him and if a miracle happens, could finish not last! Steve has a solid foundation in place for the future, and a high draft pick again. All he needs is time to fight his way to the top, which will be difficult. Renegade is one of the more influential games of all time but is super hard to beat. You play a vigilante that is fighting street gangs to save your girlfriend. Renegade inspired Double Dragon. But fighting the same enemies constantly, when they have weapons and you don't, can get tiring and make you grab another cartridge to have an easier time of it. Steve doesn't have that option, and has a long fight with few weapons ahead of him.

August 2013
No. 28, Orioles: Christie Brinkley
2013 marks Steven's fourth year as Orioles GM, and it'll be his fourth consecutive losing campaign -- but that's ok. Thrown into one of the toughest divisions in the IBC, the Orioles focused on accruing as much young talent as they could, and right now, the Orioles have a nice stable of young players in Miller, Fernandez, Gomez, Brown, Rasmus (yes, he's good again), Lindor, Zunino, Martinez and another high draft pick. With the Yankees and Jays getting older, the Orioles could peak at the right time to make things really interesting in the AL East. Though the O's haven't tasted success, their model to rebuild could end up one that other GMs follow. Brinkley was featured three consecutive years on the cover of SI's swimsuit issue, and then had some crazy-long contract with CoverGirl. The Orioles are a good looking team, and could find long-term success -- much like Brinkley did.

September 2013
28.Orioles - SMU
Ah, Baltimore. Poor Baltimore. It’s seemingly the place where we banish new general managers to rebuild, to see if they’re worthy enough of staying in the IBC. Dan rebuilt there, and moved to Miami. Jason rebuilt there, and moved to Kansas City. SMU? They received the death penalty, and while JB and Pat Bishop ruled the AL, it seemed like Baltimore was the death penalty for new gms. Not anymore, though, as SMU is getting back on the map, slowly but surely, just like Sander’s Orioles are starting to build -- slowly but surely. Anchored by Jose Fernandez and Shelby Miller, 2013 could be the last season Baltimore holds onto a top 5 pick -- and further complicating life in the AL East for everybody else.

February 2014
26. Baltimore - “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” - I have to admit, this was the last song I matched with a team, and I was running out of gas. “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” is one of my favorite Weird Al songs, and I just wanted to get it on the list. So, congratulations Steven for not being relevant!
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