September 1 power rankings

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September 1 power rankings

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1. Pirates – Alabama.

The champs, the dynasty, far and away the best team in the land and led by a madman. Nick Saban is a son of a bitch. I’ve never met JP’s mom so I can’t say whether he is or not. The Crimson Tide, and the houndstooth wearing, tree poisoning, sister fucking fans that make up the state, would support Saban if he sacrificed a cheerleader at midfield every game, but they’d draw the line at losing. Saban is the best coach in college football, and JP is the best GM in the IBC. He’s won the Central every year since 2009, and if not for some weird sim luck in the playoffs, might be gunning for a 4-peat. His offense is 8 deep, his pitching is outstanding, he’s got Mo closing out games. He might waltz back to the World Series. It’ll be harder to stop the Bucs, at least Bama will have some competition between now and November.

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2. D’Backs - Ohio State.

The best team in a weak entity, the DBacks and Buckeyes share a ton of similarities. Led by notorious piece of shit Urban Meyer, the Buckeyes went undefeated against a soft schedule, but couldn’t play for the title last year due to the tattoo scandal that cost Jim Tressel his job. As of opening weak, the toughest Buckeye opponent this year is ranked 17th. Half of the top 10 is SEC teams, but any Buckeye fan will tell you how great they are and how things are different now and they’d deserve a title shot over any SEC team. Jag has racked up wins this year in a weak division, with Nils’ empire finally falling apart, Jake and Shawn not quite being there yet and Bren being awful. Jag’s been to the playoffs 4 times, but he’s yet to win the NL. His team should have a major drop off next year and the division could be wide open, just like the Big Ten will be once OSU goes on probation for something in the next 5 years, 48 players get arrested while none are punished by the team and Urban suddenly needs to spend more time with his family again. Fuck Urban Meyer.

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3. Red Sox - Texas A&M

I doubt Tullar is sitting there in northern New England making money signs with his hands, but the Red Sox are the new, trendy team in the AL in the IBC, much like Manziel’s Aggies. Boston has been slowly building a team to take over the AL East, and with a six-game lead in September, it seems that 2013 could be the first year that ends JB’s streak of division crowns. It’s not easy to compete in the AL East, much like it isn’t easy for the Aggies to compete in the SEC. We’ll see if Boston can escape with an AL East title and pennant this year, much like we’ll see if the Aggies can compete for the SEC and National Title with one of the most controversial figures in all of college sports. Still, all the talk is about A&M and not Texas right now, for better or for worse.

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4. Rangers - Stanford

Thanks to a nice winning streak, the Rangers are now tied for first place in the American League West with Oakland. The Rangers boast some of the best talent in all of the IBC with Darvish and Cabrera, but have seemingly underachieved this year, after reaching the World Series for the second time in franchise history last year. Like the Rangers, Stanford boasts top talent, and recently graduated Andrew Luck to the NFL. Stanford is quite the academic institution too, and if you look at how Brett built his team, it’s no surprise that he’s captured two pennants and a title since 2009 -- and he’s in the hunt for both this year. Still, like the Cardinal, the Rangers haven’t separated themselves this year from the pack, and they’re not quite the American League power, just like Stanford isn’t quite the Pac-12 power.

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5. A’s - Oregon

Are the IBC A’s built with Nike money? No, definitely not, but there’s plenty of similarities here: Oakland has had plenty of success, and is in the running for the coveted No. 1 seed in the American League … but could also end up playing just one playoff game, too. The Ducks have been a Pac-12 powerhouse for a little while now, but what has that given Oregon in the long-run? Money and a few Rose Bowl trips, but no titles. Hamlin hasn’t captured a pennant yet, but even with his smoke-and-mirrors rotation, not too dissimilar from Oregon’s innovative (read: somewhat ridiculous) offenses, the A’s could make a charge toward their first pennant in IBC history come October. I mean, really, look at the Oregon quarterbacks in the pros and look at Oakland’s pitchers. It just somehow works for Oregon, and it works for Oakland.

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6.Reds – LSU.

You question the methods sometimes, but you can’t question the success. Les Miles eats grass on the sidelines, dials up more gadget plays than a Disney movie and wins games. Ken sleeps with someone at DMB, gets a sub 3 ERA out of Raul Valdes and wins games. Les Miles may be a crazy person, and his play calling at times makes no sense, but he always gets results and may be the only person Nick Saban doesn’t have a handle on. Ken, well, the guy wins. We don’t know how sometimes, maybe he works for DMB like we all thought long ago, but you can’t question the results. At least when Louisiana brags about their food it is good, unlike Cincinnati, the self-appointed chili capital of the world that makes nasty chili, though unlike LSU fans, natives of the Queen City don’t smell like corn dogs.

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7. Yankees - Texas

Hook ‘em, Horns. Remember when Vince Young led the Longhorns over the Trojans and we were introduced to sad Mark Sanchez? That was pretty cool. Remember when the Yankees were far and away the class of the IBC? That wasn’t pretty cool, but it happened. The Yankees recently won back-to-back IBC titles, but with the amount of injuries and age of the Yankees, they just feel a bit older, and with JB six games out of first, it feels as if his Evil Empire is crumbling a bit. Texas has crumbled, but they’re Texas, so they’ll always be the name-brand, and they’ll always have the recruiting ability, and always be regarded as a national power, even if they aren’t. JB has tried to retool a bit, but faces interesting times ahead. Make no mistake, though: the Yanks can still be dangerous this October.

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8. Marlins – Louisville.

At least Dan doesn’t have a manicured chinstrap beard and a flat billed hat, like the typical Louisville fan. The Cardinals have become a national power in the past 15 years, thanks in part to playing whatever night of the week ESPN didn’t have a game on for recruiting exposure and in part to playing in weak conferences that had schools that invested more in academics than they did in their rowing team. First Conference USA, then the Big East, now the ACC as of next year, Louisville football fans can pretend they understand the game, brag that they should play for the title despite no ranked opponents on the schedule and brag about the basketball team (seriously I’m surrounded by the 2 dumbest basketball fanbases in the country). Dan’s taken advantage of playing in a weak division since his move to Miami and made the playoffs all but one year since. What he’s not done is win anything significant in October. At least Dan doesn’t brag about beating Wake Forest and an uninterested Florida team playing their 6th toughest game of the year. Also the Louisville football team is full of criminals, so next time someone tells you what a character guy Charlie Strong is, throw that back at them.

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9.Tigers – Clemson.

Can a Tiger change its stripes? If these Tigers do, I hope the stripes make a certain GM a little less whiney about everything, because you’re getting me and Bren to agree about things. Clemson has always been a strong program, but had to weather the storm of being in a conference with Bobby Bowden’s FSU dynasty and VA Tech’s run at the top of the rankings. Now, under Dabo Swinney, Clemson is back and is a national championship contender. Pat had to take a leave of absence from the IBC after losing the 2005 WS to Nils in heartbreaking fashion. Upon his return he won the AL Central and is poised to repeat this year. Pat’s ability to wheel and deal and fill holes has made him a threat to win the American League this year. While the ALC may be the overlooked division in the AL, like the ACC is the overlooked conference in the South, both these Tigers are dangerous.

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10.Royals – Georgia.

Bulldogs fans have shrines to Herschel Walker in their houses, the people of KC worship George Brett. It has been a long time since they were leading their respective squads to titles. The Bulldogs have been second fiddle in the SEC East for a while, falling behind Florida and Tennessee in the 1990s and only now catching Florida. They took Alabama to the limit last year in the SEC title game, and were a play away from winning the game when the clock ran out. This year they were upset by Clemson the first night of the season, so national title hopes are done unless they can run the table in the SEC. Jason has come close to making the playoffs a number of times. He won 100 games in 2008 and missed the AL WC. This year he’s within striking distance of Pat, and has made moves to upgrade the team to draw and run him down. With a month to go, anything can happen. Maybe Jason can finally get his first trip to October, I’d put better odds on that than the Dawgs playing in Atlanta in December.

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11.Phillies - Notre Dame.

If you win a title long ago and are decent the rest of the way, folks will think you’re good forever. That has been what’s happened to Notre Dame, and sort of what happened to Nick. No school lives more off a legacy of wins when Hitler was the German Chancellor than Notre Dame. Any time they’re remotely good, the media laps it up, fawning over plays with made up dead girlfriends or every “best quarterback prospect in ages” that just turns out to be another shitty Claussen brother. Hopefully for everyone’s sake, Notre Dame doesn’t have a ten win season for about another thirty years. Nick won the very first IBC title. Since then he’s been to the playoffs once. Every year just about, it seems Nick wins 80-85 games. Nick’s reputation as a quality GM has been well earned. Notre Dame’s was earned when FDR was riding around the country on trains pretending to be able to walk. Advantage: Nick and polio.

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12. Blue Jays - Oklahoma

Oklahoma is always seemingly pretty good, but never completely awesome, except for a few years. Sound familiar? The Blue Jays are always somehow in the hunt, but looking at their lineup, it seems there’s always some sim voodoo involved. Toronto was the beneficiary of a weak AL East, but now with Boston, Tampa and soon Baltimore, it’s not going to be so easy for Bishop to snag a Wild Card spot -- as you see this year. Toronto, does, however, have a World Series title -- much like the Sooners claimed the Sears Trophy in 2000. With the Big 12 power shifting, it’s not a shoo-in for Oklahoma to compete for the B12 title, and a spot in the BCS title game. Times are changing in the AL East, but Oklahoma is still Oklahoma -- much like Toronto is still Toronto. Minor and Lee are still going to anchor this rotation, so Toronto will be in a dogfight in 2014 -- and still has an outside chance this year.

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13. Braves – West Virginia.

Windows of opportunity can close faster than you think, and the changes you make aren’t always for the best. When not dressing up in buckskin and burning couches, WVU fans have nightmares of the Backyard Brawl in 2007. Despite being 28 point favorites against a 4 win Pitt team, needing a win at home to play for the BCS title, WVU lost 13-9, thanks in part to missed field goals and an injury to Pat White. Brandon’s nightmares and decision to rebuild after 2008 have resulted in a long march back to respectability. A puzzling trade of Bryce Harper and a decision not to go for the WC this year make as much sense as WVU’s move to the Big 12 and the aforementioned couch burning.

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14.White Sox - South Carolina.

The Cocks and the Sox have spent their lives in the shadow of their neighbors, with Clemson having a better football history and the Cubs having more fanfare thanks to being on WGN all the time in the past and finding new ways to lose. South Carolina’s football program didn’t win a bowl game until the 1995, and only won a conference one time, 1969 when they won the ACC. With Steve Spurrier at the helm, the Gamecocks have been much improved and have a chance to win the SEC East every year. Jim’s been in Chicago now since 2006, and he has one division title to show for his efforts. While he’s been in contention this year, he has started to fade and the odds of another division crown are about as likely as seeing someone from South Carolina without a palmetto decal on their back windshield (it is the coolest state flag by far). Jim’s got a solid squad that’ll be in contention next year, but his penchant for making bad trades (he got Alexi Ramirez, Brandon Lyon and John Danks for Kershaw) will always linger, as standing pat sometimes is better than making deals for guys you like because they’re on your favorite team.

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15. Rays - Oklahoma State

Remember when Martin went to Game 163 against Jag for the NL West crown back when he was San Diego? Again, if you’re semi-new to the league, probably not. Since moving to Tampa, Martin hasn’t had much luck, and has seen assets in Dice-K and Ricky Romero lose 90% of their value in the past few years. Name one player off the Rays without looking. Survey says… Joey Votto! Yes, you and everybody else said Joey Votto. Name one recent player off the Oklahoma State Cowboys recently. Survey says… Dez Bryant! Yes, you and most everybody else said Dez Bryant. Martin has pieces to work with, but in a tough division, much like the Cowboys, it’s an uphill battle -- especially when Oklahoma State has to compete with the Texas schools and nearby SEC schools in recruiting.

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16. Dodgers – Wisconsin.

When you lose your head coach to a middle of the pack team in the SEC when you’re in contention to win the Big Ten, you know the conference has fallen on hard times. Wisconsin is always in the mix for a Rose Bowl bid, behind a power running game. The Dodgers always seem in the mix for a playoff spot, and did manage to win a Wild Card last season, but lost the playoff game. Now though, the Dodgers have faded and will probably not be playing in October. There’s no fear of Shawn running off to another team, but as long as he remains in the middle of the pack, he’ll be overlooked when it comes playoff time.

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17. Rockies – Illinois.

Brief moments in the sun, followed by years of frustration, if half the state of Florida hated Jake this might be a perfect match. Illinois has almost always been a middle of the pack team in the conference, at best. Kurt Kittner’s teams were okay. Then in 2008, Ron Zook took them to the Rose Bowl, only because OSU was losing another BCS title game to an SEC team. USC blew them away and Illinois hasn’t really been heard from since. Jake’s brief moment in the sun was almost winning the AL West in 2009. He blew his lead down the stretch and Nils beat him in Game 163. Not much has happened in Colorado since. Jake hovers in contention most of the year, then fades towards the end of the season. This year was no different. The division’s up for grabs next year, maybe Jake can finally have the spotlight to himself.

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18.Twins - Virginia Tech.

Building something from nothing is quite the task, but Frank Beamer and Andrew both accomplished it. After coaching at The Citadel and Murray State, Beamer took over VA Tech and turned it into a consistent winner. With the help of Michael Vick, he almost upset Florida State for the national championship in 1999. Since then, the Hokies have generally been a top ten team, though they’ve been on a slide as of late and are no longer the power they once were. The same can be said of the Twins. Andrew built a winner the slow way, and took the ALC from 2006-2008, including winning the AL in 2007. Since then though, it has been a steady decline, with can’t miss prospects flaming out due to injury and others not developing. Rome wasn’t built in a day, Andrew knows that all too well, but it appears the Twin Cities will be in the Dark Ages for a while yet, though help is on the way.

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19.Cubs – Auburn.

Have you won a title that many people think wasn’t legitimate? Well, Auburn has, and a lot of people still shake their heads at the sim allowing Gabe to use Billy Wagner as a starter during the 2006 playoffs. The Tigers were able to ride Cam Newton to the BCS title a few years ago, though everyone and their mother knows that Auburn cheated their ass off that year and got away with it. Once Cam left, everyone realized Gene Chizek couldn’t coach, he was fired and Auburn fell apart. With Gus Malzahn in charge now, the future is bright on the Plains. Gabe’s future would be bright if he ever bothered with prospects. Look at the pitching this team has. With a little work, he could easily contend for a wild card, but with no prospects to trade to fill in his holes, it don’t seem like that will ever happen. But Gabe has a title, something most of the league can’t say they have.

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20. Astros - Utah

The Utah Utes were once a Mountain West Conference power, with BCS bowl wins in 2005 and 2009. The Utes left the MWC for the Pac-12, and it’s going to be a bit tougher sledding there. Utah is competing with some pretty big-named schools, but, they’ll have more exposure being in the Pac-12 than they would have had in…whatever the MWC will turn into. Before re-joining the league, Nate had assembled one of the most bad-ass rosters in the league, but never could capture a pennant, and was often on the receiving end of some injury voodoo doll action. Now back in the IBC, Nate finds himself in his second year with Houston, but now in the American League. It’s not as easy as it once was since he’s had to rebuild, but the Astros have a decent future ahead of them -- if they can add to their foundation, much like the Utes.

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21.Brewers – Kentucky.

When’s basketball season? Aside from the Hal Mumme/Tim Couch years that produced an Outback Bowl bid, UK football has no glory years to speak of. The Brewers have none either. Currently without a GM, the Brewers had the potential to be a wild card team if they had someone at the helm that paid attention past May. UK football had Bear Bryant as their coach, and he left because his bonus for going to a bowl game one year was a cigarette lighter, and Adolph Rupp got a Cadillac as his bonus. While the Brewers have the potential to be good with a competent GM, UK football will always been in the shadow of the basketball team, well until the NCAA finds out who’s been writing the checks to Calipari’s recruits and who has made it seem like they’re able to read and pass college classes. We know from experience that that is probably not the case.

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22.Cardinals - Tennessee

Remember when Peyton Manning was Tennessee’s quarterback and they were awesome? Tennessee used to be a national power, but lately, they’ve come on tough times. Lane Kiffin? Derek Dooley? Butch Jones? It’s been a strange time for Tennessee the past few years since Phillip Fulmer left, much like it’s been strange times for the IBC Cardinals. Since nearly winning back-to-back titles in 2007 and 2008, Aaron hasn’t seen the postseason, and decided to entirely rebuild. The Cardinals look like they’re getting ready to compete, with Walker and Yelich making their MLB debuts recently, and with Skaggs, Taveras, Rosenthal and others in the wings ready to contribute. With a few moves, the Cards could find themselves making the playoffs in 2014. With, well, more than a few moves, the Vols could return to being an SEC and national power.

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23. Mariners - USC

How the mighty have fallen. Remember when the AL West belonged to Seattle? If you’re new to the league, you might not. Remember when USC dominated the AP and Coaches polls? If you recently started following college football, you might not -- but you might remember USC’s delicious demise last season. In any event, Seattle used to be awesome, much like USC, but the results haven’t been there lately. Since the beginning of the 2007 season, Seattle has just one playoff appearance in 2010, which resulted in the Mariners losing in the ALCS to the Yankees. Since USC is a brand-name and still-prestigious football school, the potential for the Trojans to be awesome again, sooner, rather than later, still exists. Brennan did the right thing this year by accumulating as much young talent as he could, and now once again boasts potentially two of the top-five picks in the draft, as well as the best prospect in baseball in Buxton. Prospects are volatile, but it appears Seattle could have glory days again -- we’ll see if it happens, and we’ll see if it happens for USC.

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24. Giants – Michigan. When the Big House is full it has over 100,000 people in it, though from what many Michigan fans have said, quantity doesn’t equal quality in that case and many don’t pay attention to the game. The Wolverines enjoyed many great seasons, but fell on hard times once Rich Rodriguez was hired. Nobody can forget the loss at home to Appalachian State when Michigan was a top 5 team with BCS title hopes. Now Michigan lives off reputation more than anything, but as Notre Dame has proven, living off a reputation is worth big money. Nils dominated the NL West for a decade. Like all great powers though, the decline was swift. Nils has only made the playoffs once in the last 4 seasons and is now a bottom feeder. It may be a whole before Nils contends again, thought the NL West may soon be as weak as the Big Ten, so you never know.

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25. Angels - Washington State

2013 marks Stephen’s fourth year in the IBC -- and third full season. Not a whole lot to show for it, either, but he does get some slack, since he was left picking up Dave Taylor’s pieces. The Angels have some nice pieces, but there’s no reason to think that the Angels will challenge for a playoff spot in the near future. This is still very much an ugly, long-term rebuild. Washington State? They’re an afterthought in the Pac-12, but at the least, fans can be excited over Mike Leach -- provided he’s not beating players. The top of Los Angeles’ future rotation with Cole, Taillon and Bundy’s surgically repaired right elbow gives IBC Angels fans something to be excited about, but will this team score more than 2 runs per game? That remains to be seen.

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26. Mets – Rutgers.

Huge market, no fan interest and no results, that’s the story of Rutgers and the Mets. Rutgers will be joining the Big Ten soon, but that is only because the conference wants the Big Ten Network on cable systems in NYC. Rutgers brings nothing to the table, and aside from the Ray Rice season where they upset Louisville to keep them out of the BCS title game, Rutgers has nothing to really brag about. John’s the same way. After almost winning the NL West a couple of times, the move to Queens has been rough. John has rarely been in contention and more often than not has been a doormat for stronger teams. The Mets have some building blocks, but there are more things left that need to be done before they’ll be bought as a contender.

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27. Indians - Wake Forest.

Hey remember that one season when they were good? In football, not the Chris Paul team that lost to WVU in double OT or Tim Duncan’s team that UK blew out. Pat took the Indians to the World Series in 2005, since then the franchise has been a bottom feeder that ran through a number of terrible GMs. Wake Forest has always been the doormat of the ACC, except for the 2007 season when they managed to get into a BCS bowl. Wake Forest is still a team without a bright future and right now the sun isn’t on the horizon for the Indians, so a bright future is far off in the distance. Good luck Danny.

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28.Orioles - SMU

Ah, Baltimore. Poor Baltimore. It’s seemingly the place where we banish new general managers to rebuild, to see if they’re worthy enough of staying in the IBC. Dan rebuilt there, and moved to Miami. Jason rebuilt there, and moved to Kansas City. SMU? They received the death penalty, and while JB and Pat Bishop ruled the AL, it seemed like Baltimore was the death penalty for new gms. Not anymore, though, as SMU is getting back on the map, slowly but surely, just like Sander’s Orioles are starting to build -- slowly but surely. Anchored by Jose Fernandez and Shelby Miller, 2013 could be the last season Baltimore holds onto a top 5 pick -- and further complicating life in the AL East for everybody else.

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29. Padres - Penn State.

The glory days are long gone, the sanctions are in place and the team is a laughing stock. At least Bren hasn’t diddled any kids. Joe Paterno built Penn State into a powerhouse, winning national championships, joining the Big Ten and becoming an icon in a school that is located in the middle of nowhere. Of course we’ve all come to learn what was really going on in Happy Valley, and Paterno’s lucky that he died when he did. Bren built a powerhouse in Boston, but the power he held in running the league led to a revolt. Bren quit and upon his return was barred from holding any position of power again. Now the Padres are in the running for worst team in the league, though talent is on the way. Question is will Bren be remembered as the guy that won a World Series and founded the IBC, or the guy that pissed so many people off that the IBC Bastille was stormed and off went his head? If the Padres never get better than this, the latter may be the case.

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30. Nationals – Connecticut.

Afterthoughts. That is UConn football and the Nationals. UConn wasn’t even a Division I football team in 2000. They did manage to make a BCS bowl, thanks to the how “Big East is a power conference” rule that was abolished. Donald Brown is probably the best player in school history (and I love me some Donald Brown, but that’s sad). After winning the Wild Card last year and taking JP to 5 games in the NLDS, Zalaski blew up his team to rebuild, and my oh my what an ugly sight this team is. While it has been proven that rebuilds can and do work in the IBC if done right, Z has a ways to go. UConn lost to Townson this week, at least Z’s better than that.

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Post by Rangers »

Awesome.
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Post by Nationals »

Holy shit. This was perfect.
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Post by Giants »

Obviously you didn't watch the Texas Tech game. SMU is nowhere near getting back on the map as long as poor Garrett Gilbert keeps getting thrown out there.
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Athletics wrote:Obviously you didn't watch the Texas Tech game. SMU is nowhere near getting back on the map as long as poor Garrett Gilbert keeps getting thrown out there.
That poor kid. I think we at Texas broke him in 2010
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Post by Athletics »

Great write...but poor showing by Mike Leach's team against Auburn...atleast I had a good start to my season...but maybe WSU can upset USC this week.

And Hamlin...think we are all still waiting...tick tock...tick tock, season is almost over. ;)
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Post by Tigers »

Great job guys! You knocked this one out of the park!
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I fucking hate Joe Paterno. College Football is overrated and a sham as it is, but that guy is just the shittiest shit to ever shit.
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Post by BlueJays »

That was magical
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Post by Cubs »

Superb. Minor quibble though. As the only guy in the league from Nebraska, I can't be Oklahoma. Switzer, Buster Rhymes, J.C. Watts, Keith Jackson are just some of the names that made me vomit as a kid in late November.

An old joke from the land of Corn.

If I owned Hell and Oklahoma - I would live in Hell and rent out Oklahoma.

That Clemson SI cover was from one of the first of many painful Orange Bowls for the Huskers, 22-15 January 1, 1982.
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BlueJays wrote:Superb. Minor quibble though. As the only guy in the league from Nebraska, I can't be Oklahoma. Switzer, Buster Rhymes, J.C. Watts, Keith Jackson are just some of the names that made me vomit as a kid in late November.

An old joke from the land of Corn.

If I owned Hell and Oklahoma - I would live in Hell and rent out Oklahoma.

That Clemson SI cover was from one of the first of many painful Orange Bowls for the Huskers, 22-15 January 1, 1982.
Who's "Pat Bishop?"
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Post by Athletics »

BlueJays wrote:Superb. Minor quibble though. As the only guy in the league from Nebraska, I can't be Oklahoma. Switzer, Buster Rhymes, J.C. Watts, Keith Jackson are just some of the names that made me vomit as a kid in late November.

An old joke from the land of Corn.

If I owned Hell and Oklahoma - I would live in Hell and rent out Oklahoma.

That Clemson SI cover was from one of the first of many painful Orange Bowls for the Huskers, 22-15 January 1, 1982.
I root for the huskers...wish I could have been them...but that requires a team title.
"My shit doesn't work in the playoffs. My job is to get us to the playoffs. What happens after that is fucking luck."

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Post by Reds »

Great write ups.
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